Not Fair

My heart is heavy this afternoon.  I attended a funeral today for a family friend from church- a strong 40 year old Christian man who was a husband and daddy to three precious boys, the oldest of which is 16 years old.  As the slide show of pictures played before the service started, I found myself crying and thinking that this is not fair.  It's not fair that he was in a severe car accident before Christmas that resulted in him having several surgeries in order to save his arm.  It's not fair that his family thought everything was going to be okay, and then on Friday morning he fainted in their closet at home.  It's not fair that he died due to a blood clot relating to his accident they think.  It's not fair that his wife and three boys have to go through loosing a husband and father so young.  It's not fair that his parents outlive their son, and that his three sisters loose their only brother.

There is a great article written about Bryan here.

It is a blessing that in God's perfect timing He allowed Bryan one more Christmas with his family.  It is a testament of the life he lived for God's glory that the sanctuary was full today; full of old teammates he used to play football with and all of the people whose life he touched.  There is hope because even in this, God is sovereign and will use this for His good.

As we begin this new year, I am struck by the truth of my pastor's message on Sunday.  He preached about life being a gift.  We don't deserve and are certainly not guaranteed one more day on this earth.  Life is a gift that God gives us freely.  Pastor Curtis challenged us to pray about what God wants us to do with it.

The last couple months, we have personally been surrounded by a lot of tragedy.  Our pastor in Waco, Mike Toby, passed away from brain cancer after being suddenly diagnosed a few months ago.  A work friend of my dad's passed away this week from health issues.  My college room-mate's husband is battling very aggressive cancer for the second time in his short life of 30 years.  They have a one-year old daughter.  A co-worker's sister was pregnant with a baby boy and due on January 10.  Over the holidays the baby passed away in-utero only a couple of weeks before her due date.  Another one of my co-workers lost twin grandbabies when her daughter went into pre-term labor at 20 weeks yesterday.  And, a third one of my co-workers' brother slipped and fell over the holidays and is in a coma he is not expected to wake up from.

I don't understand it and can't begin to fathom the grief these families are suffering.  But I do know and believe, "that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, and who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

My devotional today was about hope.  Hope in the Lord is the only thing that brings light into this kind of darkness. "God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." - Psalm 46:1

Please join me in praying for these families; that God would fill them with His strength and His peace.

Rise

I attended a Women's Bible Study event tonight at my church with Beth Moore and was so blessed by it.  JW and I have been attending Bayou City Fellowship, a church I first learned about the Living Proof Ministries blog, since we moved back to Houston this summer.  We tried a few others, but really felt led that BCF is where God wanted us.  Beth's son-in-law, Curtis Jones, is the pastor, and he is such a powerful motivator of faith.  The church is only a year old, and has already grown so much. 

Rise is BCF's quarterly women's night of worship and teaching by Beth Moore.  This was my first time to attend and my mom got to join me.  It was a powerful evening.  The Bible study was on 2 Kings 5:1-14 and we talked about God's power to heal us of the things holding us back from truly living for Him. The healing that God offers is sometimes hard and requires much of us, but we can be mighty women of valor living for Him if we allow the Spirit to help us.

One of the worship songs we sang was so moving and powerful to me.  The lyrics are below.  I don't want to forget the impact they had on me tonight.

"Beneath The Waters (I Will Rise)"
by Hillsong United

This is my revelation
Christ Jesus crucified
Salvation through repentance
At the cross on which He died

Now hear my absolution
Forgiveness for my sin
And I sink beneath the waters
That Christ was buried in

[Chorus]
I will rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

I stand a new creation
Baptized in blood and fire
No fear of condemnation
By faith I'm justified

[Chorus]
I will rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

I rise as You are risen
Declare Your rule and reign
My life confess Your Lordship
And glorify Your Name
Your Word it stands eternal
Your Kingdom knows no end
Your praise goes on forever
An on and on again

No power can stand against You
No curse assault Your throne
No one can steal Your glory
For it is Yours alone
I stand to sing Your praises
I stand to testify
For I was dead in my sin

[Chorus]
But now I rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

Mess of Spaghetti

Women are like spaghetti and men are like waffles.  Have you heard that said before?  This week I am feeling like a mess of spaghetti and am wishing I could keep my life more waffle-like.  The month of April has brought so many projects that are demanding my attention, and this week especially, has me feeling a little out of control.

I usually take great pride in my spaghettiness.  It what makes multitasking come so natural, and I often enjoy balancing many things at once.  However, the last few weeks I have had so many balls in the air that I can't keep them straight at times.  In the month of April we have started officially looking for housing in Houston, started the hiring process for my position in Waco, begun conversations about my transition to working in Houston, designed and sent out Joey's graduation announcements and started planning that weekend of celebration, and by the way... work is nuts with my last March for Babies event in Waco in 3 days.  I'm worn out just thinking about it all!  And that's what happens.  I think about it all.  Even at night while I'm sleeping I think about it.  I have been waking up early in the morning without an alarm clock thinking about it all.  My muscles are even sore from being so tense.  I wish I was better at compartmentalizing sometimes.

Or maybe I just need to be better at turning it all over to Him.

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4: 6-7

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

I don't need to worry because He is in control.  I like having a plan and knowing all the details of what's coming and when, but He has a plan and His timing is perfect.  I know I'll feel a lot better after this weekend is over and one big thing is checked off the list.  I have such a supportive husband and family, and I am so thankful.  But, I am praying I will have the strength to keep turning it all over to God, who can alone give me peace that surpasses understanding.  Life gets crazy sometimes, but I'm glad we serve a God who has it all under control even when I don't!

My Help

Have you had those weeks where just thinking about your responsibilities and the tasks you have to get done puts your stomach in knots?  I have one of those weeks coming up with a big event for work on Thursday.  The event will be our second-annual Signature Chefs Auction in Waco, and our large fundraiser for the fall.  We have worked hard on it for several months and most everything is falling into place, but there are many last-minute details that need to be accomplished this week.  I have had a lot of volunteer help, but being a one-staff-person office leaves a lot of room for me to pile the pressure on myself.  I want everything to be perfect and am ultimately the one that the responsibility falls on. 

I was reminded by a devotional from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young this weekend that I am not alone. Here is an excerpt that I will probably come back to more than once this week:

Walk peacefully with Me through this day.  You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you.  You must traverse this day like any other; one step at a time.  Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step.  The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me.  This is a training opportunity, since I designed you for deep dependence on your Shepherd-King.  Challenging times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help.

When you don't know what to do, wait while I open the way before you.  Trust that I know what I'm doing, and be ready to follow My lead.  I will give strength to you, and I will bless you with Peace.

I know this will be easier said than done, but here is what I will aim to focus on this week:

The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with Peace.
-Psalm 29: 11

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
-Psalm 121: 2

Even youths grow tired and weary; and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
-Isaiah 40: 30-31

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Today marked the last class day of PC 1 & 2 for JW!  It's not over yet.  He will have a final this Saturday, and then two next week, on Tuesday and on Friday.  But around here we are celebrating that the evenings of reading and briefing an intimidating number of cases and rules to prepare for class the next day are over.  Don't get me wrong, school will by no means be a walk in the park for the remaining two quarters Joey has left, but from what we understand, the worst is behind us when this quarter is over next Friday. 

Joey came home today and put his last tally mark on the refrigerator.  He has been counting down, making a tally mark on our refrigerator for each day of PC this quarter that he accomplished.  I am proud, and I know he is, of those 47 tally marks.  Time after time I am reminded of my husband's character as I watch him through this challenging part of law school.  He is not interested in just getting by, simply passing, or not fully preparing for class with the hope that he just won't get called on.  He gives it his all, the same way he strives to do most things in life.  I am ready to have my hubby back though.  JW has done a great job trying to balance things, but I know it has been a challenge.  School has been all-consuming this quarter.  I think we can do anything for a season, but are certainly thankful this one is nearing its end.  Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and recognizing that in six more months JW will graduate is motivation for that final push. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1: 2-4